Talk Rubbish Out Of My Head

So many people have come in and out of my life. I have such a strong interest in people, but maybe it isn't enough. I feel like I have cheated so many people, because I either shortchanged them or didn't take that extra step to really get to know them. Maybe it is my inherent nature as a kononnya huu-haa person and also as a lone ranger in the other part of me or just my good Religion core, I don't know. There is a serious lack of clarity on this issue for me.

I just don't want another person that has touched my life to die and me not have taken that time to know them. So much bullshit gets in the way of friendship and other kinds of relationships. People drift apart for stupid reasons and never talk to each other again. Then people die. Why?

I once told a good friend of mine that my philosophy on spirituality was this. If God created man in his image, then God is man. If God is man, then I need to know as many people as possible to be closer to Him. That is the very core of my religion. People are important. I don't KNOW enough people. I am further from God than I need to be. In my philosophy I "save" people purely by knowing and understanding them, this is my evangelism. I am failing. It needs to be corrected.

I am really happy that I have chosen to live in moderate more intently. I used to waste a lot of time worrying about what would happen if I didn't get a master degree. What would my future be like? But now I realize that tomorrow may not exist for me or anyone. I find comfort in the fact that I am doing what I want to with my life and I feel God put me on this earth to do. I just hope God and the Earth feel the same way.

My motto, Life sucks, kick its ass!, really becomes harder to obtain when you realize how easily life can kick my ass. Please if you are out there, friends, and you read this don't hesitate to call me. I'll be calling you soon.

Happy Ending?

Waktu Kau Di Sini

Andai bintang

Tak bersinar lagi malam ini

Pasti mimpiku tidak seindah

Waktu kau di sini

Andai suria

Tak bercahya menjemput pagiku

Pasti hariku tidak secerah

Waktu kau di sini

Andai bintang

Tak bersinar lagi malam ini

Pasti mimpiku tidak seindah

Waktu kau di sini

Andai suria

Tak bercahya menjemput pagiku

Pasti hariku tidak secerah

Waktu kau di sini

Andai engkau

Telah pergi dan tinggalkan aku

Pasti hidupku tidak seperti

Waktu kau di sini

Andai bintang

Dan suria

Berhenti beredar

Pasti hatiku tetap menanti

Hadir kau di sini

Currently I'm so into this song. It was beautifully written and composed by SOMEONE in my life. After going through so many obstacles together, is there any happy ending for us? Hopefully. Insya Allah.